Exile
by TCBN
Summary: Two oc kids of the fourth grade are chased out of south park by the fourth graders due to them being suspected as Mary Sues. They run into Chef who sings a song about the importance of being flawed and the disgusting attributes of a Mary Sue. (Str8 pairings)


Alex picked up her bike from the bike rack. Everyone was screaming, running and shaking their fists, shouting.

"We have to get out of here!" Alex screamed

"How!" Sam screamed back, yanking his own bike up from the bike rack

"I don't know! Leave town!? Forever?" Alex shrieked

"Why would we let THEM chase us out of town!" Sam shouted, getting on his bike

"Because if we stay, we can get killed!" Alex screeched, pedaling frantically after Sam

They peddled, eyes wide, faces white, screaming as they rode down the road, away from the angry mob behind them. The peddled for some time and turned a sharp corner into an alley, where they saw a figure standing in the road.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" a man stepped in front of them, "Stop!"

Sam and Alex skittered to a halt and looked behind them.

"How are you today, children?" the man asked as they dismounted

"Bad" Alex murmured

"It's over!" Sam screeched, "We're doomed"

"Why bad?" he blinked

"There's an angry mob after us" Alex answered

"Why is there an angry mob after you two?" the man asked

"Uh" Alex wiped sweat from her face, "It's a long story"

"I love stories! Especially long ones" the man smiled

"Well…" Alex looked at Sam who was looking behind his shoulder every few minutes

"Go on" the man pressed

"They think we're a M-" Alex sucked in the air, "a bad word"

"Oh they didn't use the bad word, did they?" the man widened his eyes in shock

"Yeah" Sam nodded, "we've been exiled from town because of… They called us Mary Sues!"

The man did a double take and looked as if Sam had just called him a racist, robbing, red-necked rapist.

"WHAT!" the man stared, "Do you any idea what a Mary Sue is, children?"

"No" Sam shook his head

"Well, children, let me teach you a song about Mary Sues" he smiled, straightening his chef hat.

_A Mary Sue is a mighty bodacious girl with a mighty sexy ass! _

_She can work those butt cheeks and lure them boys into thinking she was a perfect girl with them sexy bangers on her chest. _

The man started to dance, yanking out a spatula ad using it as a cane.

_The problem is, children, she was all mighty flawed. Don't you see? _

Alex and Sam glanced at each other and looked at him in disbelief, jaws agape. A man was singing a song in the middle of an alleyway to two kids he didn't even know.

_A Mary Sue is a sexy girl _

_A Mary Sue is a girl with the most perfect personality_

_T_he man whacked the spatula in the air like a whip. He started singing in a voice so great it would've made Michael Jackson cry if he listened.

_A Mary Sue is a mighty sexy girl _

_A mighty good personality_

_A Honor on her role _

_An A plus in her reports_

_A gaggle of boys vying to screw her in bed\_

_A pound worthy ass _

_A high chance of pregnancy  
A very long name _

_A perfect family _

_Perfect at doing other boys_

_Perfect at getting in a love triangle_

_Perfect at looking good even at death_

_Perfect at dramatic scenes_

_Perfect in everyway!_

_Everybody loves her! _

"We should go" Sam took a hold of Alex's arm, "I think it's a trap"

They started to back away, slowly reaching for their bikes.

"Wait" Alex froze, staring at the man who was still singing, dancing and leaping as he sang and trilled

"Jesus, we need to go!" Sam was starting to worry that the mob was going to find them.

"We're NOT perfect" Alex said quietly

"Prove your imperfections, children!" the man shouted

Sam kissed her on the neck, stood and looked repulsed

"Eugh! You just gave me a hickey!" Alex rubbed her neck in disgust

"That's a mole" Sam deadpanned, wiping his mouth

"Oh" Alex froze gagging, "Eew I have a mole on my neck? And you kissed it!?"

"Eechgh" Sam wiped his mouth, "I didn't even see it !"

"Sorry" Alex covered the side of her neck, "You kissed me!"

"It was part of the song!" Sam complained

They faced the man who went down on his knees as he sang. They stepped forward, entranced by his singing. Slowly, they started with him.

_A person must be flawed to be normal! _

_"Like having a mole!" _Sam cut in, singing in tune

_"Or a chubby appearance!"_ Alex poked Sam in the belly, singing along

_"Or a god awful boyish name!"_ Sam danced around a blushing Alex

_"Or an awful short temper"_ Alex sang

_"Or an unfortunate weakness for peer pressure_" Sam teased

_"Don't you see, children?"_ the man raised his arms, _"One must be a sexy whore to be a Mary Sue!" _

"_Or_ _the inability to a…_" Alex pointed downwards, "_You know_… _in your pants_ "

_"We're far too young!"_ they all chorused_, "We're far too young!"_

_"A Mary Sue is a girl far too young to hit puberty or think about boys, girls and have a boner at the age of eight" _Chef clapped his hands

_"Don't you see?" _Alex sang, _"A Mary Sue is a mighty perfect girl who can't even misspell a word, avoid a love triangle, get herself on the honor role and have a significant other before the age of ten"_

_"The world is a wonderful place!" _Sam jeered, _"All you have to do is take note of the imperfections of all those people around you! All those imperfections are what make you oh so perfect!"_

_"You're not a Mary Sue! If you are, you're just a flaw in the world" the man sang_

They sang one final line in chorus, all of them on their knees, hands in the air, singing with all their effort

_"Can't you look at me for who I am!? Can't you see who I am!? I am imperfect just like you!"_

Alex and Sam snapped open their eyes to see a whole sea of fourth graders staring at them, jaws on the floor, eyes wide open. No one was moving, speaking or breathing.

"Dude" Stan stared at the trio

"You suck at singing" Cartman deadpanned from the sea of fourth graders

_Aaaaaand that also adds to the fact they're not Mary Sues! They can't even sing! _Chef trilled behind the duo.

"Hence the fact!" Sam stepped forward, "we are new kids in this town! That does not mean we are Mary _fucking_ SUES!"

"Yeah!" Alex cut in, not really finding her voice that threatening compared to Sam's.

"Kill them!" someone screamed, "IMPURE MARY FUCKING SUES!"

"Wait, that's Chef!" Kyle pointed out

"don't you see, children" Chef walked to the sea of fourth graders, "We need to accept others for who they are"

"Enough with that bullcrap!" Cartman snapped, "AFTER THEM!"

At that, the trio ran down the road screaming for their lives.

AN: this was a scrapped story. No real plot direction


End file.
